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21.10.2007
When you first start dating a guy, it’s easy to fall hard and fast. The reason: He’s on an all-out mission to charm the pants off you…literally and figuratively. “The wooing stage is about selling himself and putting his best foot forward,” says Canada-based sexologist Trina Read, Ph.D.
Once he’s succeeded in sweeping you off your feet though, you’ll start to notice various changes in him. Some are nice—he seems so much more comfortable with you, for instance. But others may come across as negative or just plain bizarre. Here’s a surprise: That kind of behavior can actually confirm that he’s stuck on you like glue. Confused? Don’t worry, we explain it all here.
He Shows His Vulnerability Many guys think women are looking for the kind of dude who exudes strength and confidence minus the macho bit. So that’s the kind of persona he likely tried to cultivate when he was pursuing you. Once he’s accomplished that, he may let his softer side emerge.
“Most men want to appear strong and in control, but behind that façade, they want to be nurtured,” says Henry Cloud, Ph.D., author of How to Get a Date Worth Keeping. So once he feels that love connection with you, you’re the one he’ll look to when he needs comforting.
If you play your cards right during your guy’s time of need, he’ll get into the habit of letting down his emotional guard and opening up to you more often…. And what girl doesn’t want an emotionally available man? So just listen, try to empathize with him, and offer your support. “By positively reinforcing his vulnerable behavior, you’re encouraging him to be that way with you,” says Los Angeles-based psychologist Yvonne Thomas. But beware of the “mommy” trap. “He wants understanding, not babying,” says Cloud.
And make sure you don’t let these heart-to-hearts become a one-way street. It’s important for you to turn to him when you need comforting as well. Says Thomas: “Being vulnerable with each other can help make the relationship stronger.”
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